After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
That reminds me...we need to get swords
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
