Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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