Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
