Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
