im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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