I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my phone needs a breathalizer
zippers are such a cool invention
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
