I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The uberlube is also flammable
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
