She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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