You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
