why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
COCAINE IS GR8
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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