is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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