Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
