so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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