my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
