oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
