Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
