allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
not ubering you a puppy
i think i just lost a toe
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