My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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