Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
