Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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