If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
