2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
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