I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
