he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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