i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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