hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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