you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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