i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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