Don't EVER smell your tampon
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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