I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
