Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I look better un-naked...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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