Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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