you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize