It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
