someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
