You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
