he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
