I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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