How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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