I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
