Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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