I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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