he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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