yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
