My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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