you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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