My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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