I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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