just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
