i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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