'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
