My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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