We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
