You're earring is so big in my mouth
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
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Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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