Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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