There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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