Already got asked if we're dating
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
