Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
