Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
