even my farts smell like vagina
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
