Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!

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  (440): We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days! (1-440): I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!! http://tfl.nu/v3m4
  Replies (80) Good night (1299) Bad night (4079)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?

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  (804): Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex? http://tfl.nu/035m
  Replies (26) Good night (1480) Bad night (4490)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon

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  (785): It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon http://tfl.nu/mcj5
  Replies (33) Good night (1011) Bad night (6431)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.

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  (402): Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then. http://tfl.nu/941i
  Replies (24) Good night (5159) Bad night (1235)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.

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  (917): I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear. http://tfl.nu/517j
  Replies (9) Good night (1473) Bad night (4555)
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  (805): View more from California

  That bad?

  (1-805): View more from California

  Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.

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  (805): That bad? (1-805): Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding. http://tfl.nu/ntsx
  Replies (14) Good night (1000) Bad night (4775)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.

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  (678): So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God. http://tfl.nu/decj
  Replies (11) Good night (1112) Bad night (3549)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out

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  (610): Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out http://tfl.nu/ac78
  Replies (7) Good night (3811) Bad night (1281)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR

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  (724): he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR http://tfl.nu/mrnu
  Replies (7) Good night (2457) Bad night (1234)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.

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  (702): It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B. http://tfl.nu/uw83
  Replies (8) Good night (1296) Bad night (2457)
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  (315): View more from New York

  mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'

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  (315): mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes' http://tfl.nu/oh7r
  Replies (23) Good night (904) Bad night (3684)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.

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  (807): Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes. (519): does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks. http://tfl.nu/6pcz
  Replies (3) Good night (447) Bad night (835)
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  (626): View more from California

  i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?

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  (626): i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning? http://tfl.nu/2863
  Replies (2) Good night (886) Bad night (351)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend

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  (402): just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend http://tfl.nu/jyrl
  Replies (3) Good night (1039) Bad night (296)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.

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  (850): Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell. http://tfl.nu/anpj
  Replies (1) Good night (448) Bad night (238)

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