Texts From Last Night

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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes

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  (636): I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes http://tfl.nu/5pzj
  Replies (7) Good night (943) Bad night (1065)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?

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  (646): Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself? http://tfl.nu/aacm
  Replies (5) Good night (773) Bad night (4773)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels

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  (225): i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels http://tfl.nu/zg26
  Replies (58) Good night (934) Bad night (8300)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.

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  (775): This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life. (1-775): Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life. http://tfl.nu/spac
  Replies (3) Good night (969) Bad night (3085)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?

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  (972): Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama? http://tfl.nu/w817
  Replies (11) Good night (5194) Bad night (1379)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.

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  (612): This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me. http://tfl.nu/1k6h
  Replies (19) Good night (1224) Bad night (3480)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome

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  (636): She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome http://tfl.nu/8vj5
  Replies (9) Good night (5137) Bad night (923)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.

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  (479): In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony. http://tfl.nu/h4yi
  Replies (11) Good night (778) Bad night (2568)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?

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  (941): Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket? http://tfl.nu/fc98
  Replies (5) Good night (1257) Bad night (1274)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy

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  (614): making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy http://tfl.nu/o6e5
  Replies (7) Good night (3144) Bad night (767)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.

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  (812): Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding. http://tfl.nu/ofow
  Replies (16) Good night (2461) Bad night (915)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.

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  (918): Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff. http://tfl.nu/mkr9
  Replies (10) Good night (1739) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.

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  (443): Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier. http://tfl.nu/0m7p
  Replies (2) Good night (978) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.

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  (404): Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world. http://tfl.nu/lt97
  Replies (8) Good night (390) Bad night (762)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.

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  (651): Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf. http://tfl.nu/d6io
  Replies (0) Good night (470) Bad night (270)

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