Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.

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(512): View more from Texas

its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.

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(561): View more from Florida

I'm drunk and he's still weird.

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