sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
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Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.