i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head