I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
