i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.