My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
