dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
