i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
