dude i'm inner monologue high
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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