I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
