I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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