Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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