Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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