Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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