So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
