I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
