bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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