Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
