I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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