After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
