You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
