there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
