the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
