i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
