his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
